About Xavier

This is the last photo taken of me whilst pregnant with Xavier. It was the week before he died. At the time, I didn't like how I looked in this photo. The only thing I see in this picture now is the beauty of my time with my son.

This is my husband and I holding Xavier on the day he was born. In this picture I see so much pain but much more love. The love is always bigger than the pain.

Our beautiful boy. Stillborn 31st January 2015 at 2:18pm. Weighing in at 1.14kg. Measuring 40cm in length.

This is Xavier's resting spot. His headstone reads: "Held your whole life. Xavier Rocket Imrie. 31st January 2015. You made our world a better place. Forever in our hearts. Love Mum and Dad" The hand and foot prints are Xavier's actual prints taken on the day he was born. We keep his toy collection updated and he has solar powered night lamps so he's never in the dark.

For Xavier's funeral, all the ladies had a baby blue manicure to honour our little boy. Whenever I need a little lift, I get a baby blue manicure, because it helps me feel close to Xavier.

My husband and I took off to Cairns for a week after Xavier's funeral. I think we were trying to escape the pain, but it came along with us. We're smiling for the camera but our hearts were broken. One night on this trip, we went out for dinner and sat there the whole time in stunned silence. There really was nothing to say in that moment.

I made thankyou cards to send out because I wanted to be like every other mum who gets to do things like this for their baby.

Just a little something for our tree to ensure Xavier was visible for our first Christmas without him. And for all the Christmases to follow.

We had a balloon release at Xavier's funeral, and it was the first of many to come. We did it again for his first birthday, and my husband's family released balloons to acknowledge Xavier's second Christmas.

A friend sent me a photo of an amazing three tiered rocket-theme cake. This was our attempt at replicating it! Xavier's little cousins helped decorate and his daddy made the rocket ship for the top. We had a little family party to celebrate our boy. It was also nice to acknowledge that we'd made it through our toughest year ever.

After Xavier died I often saw families at our local shopping centre with big bunches of birthday balloons for their children. It was so painful for me to watch their excited faces. I didn't want to miss out, so for Xavier's 1st birthday we got him the biggest number one balloon we could find!

This is the book I wrote to my little boy, and to all the babies and children whose lives end far too soon. It is my heart, my love and my dreams. Publishing this has been a dream come true.